Grab the popcorn, this is going to be entertaining.
With the Senate Barbershop running annual deficits of $350,000, Senate sergeant at arms Terry Gainer whats to privatize it. If this should happen there is only one man for the job and his name is Sweeney Todd. Talk about cutting the size of government. We know how politicians like their pork, well just wait until they get a load of Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies.
Harry Reid U.S. Senate Majority Leader, Member of the Gaming Hall of Fame. The archetypal politician. Values backroom deal-making over any ideology or principles. The country be damned; he is in the game for his own benefit. Don’t get between him and his cravings; this scrapper fights hard and dirty. Had he been a Soviet apparatchik under Stalin, the crafty little devil would have survived every single purge and show trial, himself presiding over a few. Likes: Government-funded Cowboy Poetry, squishy Republicans, shady land deals, pitting Hispanics against political rivals, playing the world’s smallest violin. Dislikes: Principled Republicans, dark-skinned presidential candidates with a Negro dialect, citizens with wild ideas about limiting the size, scope, and cost of government. His words of wisdom: “It’s time America’s government lived by the same rules as America’s families, and I hope you do know the definition of sarcasm.”
John McCain U.S. Senator, Republican nominee for President in 2008. A long-time member of the Ruling Class. Unable to learn new tricks, he is oblivious to the changing attitudes in his own party. Best known for compromising with the opposition. Walks across the aisle so often that the Democrats rewarded him with a personal crossing guard. Likes: Sticking his thumb in the eye of Conservatives. Little else seems to bring him as much joy as pissing off the conservative base. He really, really likes doing this. Dislikes: Criticizing Democrats. Can’t stand Republicans who raise more campaign cash than he does, is allergic to Hobbits. Trivia: Theoretical physicists have determined that if McCain where to travel back in time and meet his valiant self circa 1967, it is highly probable that the younger McCain would give him the once-over and kick his flaky ass.